The Sh%! They Expect Of You

Pregnancy can be an amazing experience. Between the kicks and flutters in your belly to the adorable sonogram images and watching your belly grow, releasing the comfort of knowing your little one is healthy, pregnancy certainly has it’s WOW and AWWW moments!

It would be great if it were all sunshine and glitter every day, but then the reality of expectation creeps in and it’s not enough to just sit and eat ice cream in your husband’s pajamas, binge watching your favorite Netflix series..

Just when you think you’ve got this thing figured out, people start asking you how many pediatricians you’ve interviewed and who you picked for your maternity photo shoot. Is it horrible that I DON’T want to do a maternity photo shoot?? There are literally 3 pictures of me pregnant that I think look really good! I just don’t feel all that cute right this second, sorry. I know there will be pictures of me from my baby showers and some from vacation and a friend’s wedding that I’ll look back and always remember this time, I don’t need someone putting me in different poses with my husband trying to get his arms around my belly by a log cabin or beach somewhere. And no, I haven’t “interviewed” a single pediatrician…yet.

Speaking of photo shoots, I think the creative newborn pictures are adorable and all, but I assume by the time I have the energy to search for a talented and affordable photographer to help me get my baby “milk drunk” enough to squish him into a cute little bum-up pose, the baby will be picking out his kindergarten snacks. THEN you have to get them made into Christmas cards and mail them out to all your friends and family in time for them to hang proudly on a window sill or under a bunch of other cards from overzealous moms showing off their beautiful family photos like personal accolades. I can’t. Ours will show up sometime between Easter and 4th of July…next year, most likely.

As far as registries go, who the hell has the time for all that research?! If you google “best pack and plays” you get 1500 websites claiming to have the best lists, from safety to affordability and quotes from moms all over the world saying why they love/hate certain brands. It’s all a little overwhelming and confusing. Everyone has an opinion but none seem to be the same…If you ask your friends and family with little ones, not only do they have different ideas, but some of the things they say they NEVER used are the EXACT same things someone else swears they wouldn’t have made it through the 1st few months without!! I’m going to head into this like I do most things: Trial and Error. Live and Learn. The baby will tell me (loud and clear) when he’s unhappy and hopefully sleep when he’s comfortable. I pray Target takes returns and exchanges with rips and tears.

Entertaining the drunkies. Who has time for this? Weather you’re listening to your husband tell you the same story for the 9th time after a bottle of mouth-watering petite sirah that you couldn’t enjoy with him or you go to a friend’s mid-summer cookout and try to look sympathetic while she cries with red wine lips over her annoying boyfriend while you hold the King-sized ruffled chip bag in one hand and a half eaten s’more in the other, nodding along wondering if this is how you normally sound. Answer: you do. There’s just never a sober bystander to witness it.

Here’s my advice for anyone in the same boat: Do your thing, girl. If you want to ditch all responsibilities on a Tuesday and get a pedicure, do it! If you make not one but two ice cream stops in one day, go for it. If your husband insisted on having people over to watch the game and you’ve literally had enough and just can’t anymore, excuse yourself and go to bed, put on the Real Housewives and lock the damn door, I seriously hear you. Just do it and who cares. If you are pregnant with your second child and have a little one running around that you need to take care of…you are a hero and rock star and I tip my hat to you. Cheers!

 

 

 

3 thoughts on “The Sh%! They Expect Of You

  1. I love this! You are hitting on all the “real” scenarios a pregnant woman is faced with that no one ever seems to understand. Thanks for being a real voice and perspective on the not-so-sweet things about pregnancy!

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