Chase Nicholas Provencher!! 10/27/16

If you’re reading this in late July or after..you haven’t missed something, it has taken me 8 months to post about the birth of my son. And of you stay tuned, you’ll read all about why it has taken me 8 months (if you’re a mother, you already know), all about napping (or lack there of), nursing, (thank you, lactation consultants!) Post partum anxiety, losing friends, gaining friends, starting a family away from family and tons more…as quickly as I can get them written, anyway.
SOOOO…Here is the beginning story of my gorgeous, perfect little nugget we like to call “Chasey”!

My water broke at 4:45 AM on Wednesday, October 26th, 2016 and I thought I was going to have a baby in a matter of a few hours! (LOL!) 26 hours later, we welcomed Chase into our family.

I was tested positive for GBS, which is called Group B Strep. A fancy (and scary) way of saying bacteria, perfectly common and normal. It means that when you’re water breaks, you have to go right to the hospital because your baby is at risk of getting the bacteria, as the amniotic sac is what is keeping him or her protected.

I woke up right away, wondering if that “leak” was, in fact, my water breaking and went to the bathroom. I sat down and thought maybe it was just that I needed to “go” and was experiencing an embarrassing side effect of late pregnancy and peeing my pants. After I thought I was finished, I stood up and called to my husband who came stumbling in the bathroom with 1 eye open.

“I think my water just broke, but I’m not sure”

Just then, more of the “water” came out all over my legs the bathroom rug I was standing on.

“Oh. Yup. My water is breaking.”

“Get back on the toilet!” He panicked.

So, if you didn’t know, which I didn’t because nobody told me: when your water breaks, it isn’t just one quick gush of liquid like you see in the movies, this is an ongoing river that never stops. Just when you think it’s over, it’s like “A River Runs Through It”. It’s an embarassing, never ending trickle that it ridiculously uncomfortable and to make you feel a little worse, they stick a puppy pee pad under your tush in the hospital, only they don’t change it as frequently as Dorothy changed Todo’s.

Now, I had heard that when you get to the hospital and decalred that you are, in fact, in labor, they (the evil nurses) don’t let you eat anything. Nothing. You get Jello, ginger ale and chicken broth. I don’t know about you, but I haven’t had the satisfaction of that meal since I had the stomach bug when I was 9. So I made my husband stop by Starbucks on the way to the hospital and I got a decaf pumpkin latte  (it was October, afterall) and a warm croissant. I didn’t eat the whole thing, I was so nervous and excited. Stupid. Foolish. Eat the whole croissant. Always eat the whole croissant. I was starved for the next 26 hours and my stomach pain was almost as bad as the contractions. Seriously.

So I was standing in Starbucks at 5-something in the morning and GUSH came another wave of water breaking only this time it WAS just like the movies. I had to waddle myself out to the car and thankfully my husband insisted I sit on a towel before we pulled out of our driveway. Apparently he had envisioned this exact moment. I reluctantly sat down like a 4 year old who wet her pants with my sad little croissant and latte. That was an uncomfortable few minutes to the hospital. I had never been so grateful it was so close!

They also don’t tell you once the humility starts, it never ends. My panties had to be swabbed to see if my water had actually broken or if I had just peed my pants. It had. I was beginning to feel like a science experiment. That feeling doesn’t stop either.

What you also may not have known is even though your water breaks, you might not be dilated more than 1 cm. I wasn’t. What you might not be privy to is that it can take HOURS AND HOURS for you to dilate more. It did. I was given Pitocin to start labor because, like I said, I had been tested positive for GBS and they needed to get the baby moving along.

That started my contractions. Holy crap on a cracker. I’ve never been one to handle pain well, but once they start, they keep coming every few minutes like a wave of something fierce. Like an orgasm, you can feel it approaching. You know what’s about to happen and it takes over your whole body. But the similarities end right there. Multiple orgasms are welcome. This beast of nature is no joke and that’s why they have epidurals, which I recommend you sign up for in advance. ASAP. Don’t try to be a hero.

Now, because God has a sense of humor and karma exists, my child has been stubborn right from the whom. When the nurse at my OBGYN visits throughout my pregnancy would try and get a heartbeat, Chase would move away from the doppler. So it was no surprise when they had to monitor his heart rate during labor by placing a small monitor on his head inside of me that he took the monitor off of his head and threw it. Twice.

*Fun fact: After your epidural, you will have so many hands inside of you. From gadgets to gismos a plenty, you’re like an oven on Thanksgiving day. They keep putting things in and taking things out. I cringed in pain every time they checked my dilation but after the epidural I felt nada. Not a thing, which is why you are completely bed ridden once the epidural is administered.

For a little while they started talking about a C Section and I was really upset because I didn’t want one. I was hell bent on a “natural” birth (minus the epidural) but I’ll tell you, after about 15 hours of very little progress I was basically begging them to take him out any way possible.

As I mentioned earlier, due to the Pitocin to help things move along, Chase’s heart rate kept dropping and I had to stay in one, very uncomfortable position, which was basically half way on my left side. Not all the way so I could be comfortable enough for a nap but juuuust enough that I was stuck in some weird half-way position and had to stay there for what felt like forever. At one point there were 2 nurses putting me on all 4’s so that they could move the baby around. I asked them while they were down there if they could clean me up. I didn’t realize the severity of the situation we were in and I felt very yukky. One nurse looked at me and said “we’re a little more concerned with keeping your baby alive”. Okay. I feel like a horrible mother and I haven’t even met my child yet. Thank you.

Needless to say, Chase was ok but we had to be monitored and watch his heart rate. My husband stood in front of that monitor for almost 26 hours.

So after the 26th hour, I was checked again and THANK GOD I was dilated enough to finally start pushing! I had never been more excited in my life! My doctor asked me if I wanted to “watch” and normally, I would pass on such an offer but this was a long time coming so I said absolutely!

They actually wheeled this big mirror in and set it up so I could watch myself give birth. This was SO amazing and I’ll never forget it. I only pushed for 8 minutes and I got to see the whole thing. I saw the hair on top of his little head, saw his face and when he came out completely, they put him on my chest and he peed! (I didn’t care.)

Up until this point we weren’t certain of a middle name for Mr. Chase. But when he was put on my chest (and finished peeing) I rubbed my fingers over his eyebrow and his eyes rolled back and he fell asleep. Just like his daddy. At that moment I declared his middle name Nicholas, after his dad.

So, what you might not have heard before is that right before you’re actually about to give birth, you start to worry because labor in one thing, but now it’s getting real! You are about to meet the person who has been growing inside of you for 9 months, kicking and rolling around. I began to worry that I wouldn’t love him right away. That I would have to pretend. You hear stories from everyone about how there is an instant connection and you worry that you won’t have that. OR you hear about post partum depression and how there is a disconnect between the two of you and so you worry about that (I will be posting a lot on this matter in the future).

In my case, however, I was worried at that last moment. What if I didn’t love him? What if he was just another baby to me? What if I somehow felt jealous of him and the love others gave him but I didn’t share?

And then they handed him to me. And I saw his face. The face I had been picturing for 9 months was right here on me, inches away. I had been envisioning this very moment for maybe most of my life and now it was here. Reality. My son.

Maternal instincts kicked in immediately and I just wanted to nurse him and hold him close, which I did. For months. (That in more detail soon!)

They wheeled us up to our room and I held my new baby in my arms and hugged him as he slept. I had NO CLUE what I was in for….to be continued…

(Here he is! My munchkin. My Chasey. My heart.)

My little peanut. Chase Nicholas Provencher born 10/27/16 at 6:11 AM Weighing 8 lbs. 1.6 ounces of love.

My body has been invaded (or what 38 weeks feels like).

Ok so everyone talks about how you get to a point in your pregnancy where you just can’t take it anymore. I thought I understood what they meant at about 36 weeks…I was wrong. 2 more weeks went by and I feel more like a prop in a sci-fi movie than a human being.

This baby, whom I can’t wait to meet, has been growing inside of me for over 9 months. For a while, no one could tell. Then there was a tiny little baby bump and that pregnancy “glow”. There are, of course, uncomfortable times and lifestyle changes to get used to like not drinking wine anymore and not being able to take the same classes at the gym. Yet those adjustments aside, and the woes of the 1st trimester sickness having subsided, life goes on as usual. You work out in some way, if that’s part of your routine, you move around easily enough and work continues. You go about your day, errands and move along.

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As your belly grows, people start asking you all the routine questions: “When are you due?” “Do you know if it’s a boy or girl?” “How are you feeling?” etc. But then it hits you. You wake up in the middle of the night to pee (yet again), and your body suddenly feels like you’ve been in a serious car accident. Your back is in so much pain, you swear you had been rear ended. Your feet are so sore you think you must have blocked out running a marathon the day before, your fingers are so swollen, your wedding band won’t fit over your knuckle, and this little angel you’re carrying in your belly can move around so much because they’re somewhere around 7 lbs and SMOOSHED in there that you can actually see them moving around from the outside. What it feels like INSIDE is a WHOLE different story.

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My body has been invaded. My belly feels stretched beyond it’s limits and it hurts. I have a baby foot in my ribs and a head resting on my bladder. This baby is losing room and MUST be uncomfortable by now and my body MUST have taken all it can possibly take in 38 weeks and 3 days.

I have never done well in uncomfortable situations. I am a very particular person when it comes to having things the way I like them for myself. I don’t sleep well with others. I have never enjoyed sleepovers, they give me anxiety. We have to have a King sized bed so the 2 of us can co-sleep (meaning my husband and I) because I wake up when someone touches me. I get really hot at night and like to sleep in the cold, but with several blankets to stay warm. I have to sleep with white noise and fresh air, so I use a fan. Not a ceiling fan, a fan right by my face, blowing air at me directly. I understand this won’t work with a newborn, so I’ve gotten used to a humidifier that blows air right by my head to prepare for baby’s arrival. I like to shower twice a day because I don’t like the feeling of being “dirty” even though you’re not really “dirty” after a normal 12 hour day. After I shower, I have to have toner, serum and moisturizer on my face right away before it dehydrates or gets itchy. I have to use body lotion right away for the same reason and it has to be enough time before bed or my body is too sticky and it makes the sheets in the bed feel yukky. I have to have my nails and toenails clipped way down because I feel like dirt and other disgusting elements get caked underneath and it gives me the heebie jeebies. Those have to be clipped over the toilet. I always speak up if I’m too hot or too cold. Anywhere. It can be home, at work, etc. I can’t stand being too hot and sweaty. I also can’t stand being too cold and uncomfortable. I love fresh air so I’m constantly opening windows and doors. I love the breeze. If we’re at someone’s house and they have everything closed and it’s a beautiful day, I’ll just go outside or take it upon myself to crack a door. I’ll be that person.I can’t stand being sick, so I don’t get sick. If someone around me comes down with something, I put gloves on, bleach and Lysol EVERYTHING and take lots of Emergency to avoif it any way possible. I take detox baths and stay away from that person altogether.I’ll quarantine myself. Any ill feeling is too much for me to handle, I can’t stand it. I am one of those people who never gets sick beause the feeling is just too much. I’m giving you all these examples of what probably make me sound OCD, or just particularly bitchy so you can understand what being this big and uncomfortable in my own skin (which I’m sharing) feels like to me. I can’t fix it or adjust it to my liking at all. I just have to sit back and accept that I am uncomfortable.

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Now I am at the point where I’m ready. The nursery is ready, we are stocked up with diapers and wipes, swaddles, a bassinet, a rocker, stroller, car seat, crib, clothes, bottles and pacifiers, books and little keepsakes, new shelves and dresser, a rocking chair and lots of plush blankets and lovies. I felt so unprepared for so many months just thinking of the list of baby items we needed and list of things to get done prior to his arrival, but now that they’re done, the hospital bag is packed and ready to go, I’m just waiting. Waiting for one of those practice contractions to be the real thing or my water to break. Just waiting. I’m so excited and scared. I can’t wait to finally hold this little wiggly guy and tell him how thankful I am to even be able to carry him at all in the first place and how grateful I am that God gave me a son. How I’ll forever be attached to him, even if he’s not in my belly anymore and how for the rest of my life I will be a mother who will literally do anything for her son, even if it costs me something I wouldn’t have given up before. I want to tell him I waited a long time to have him and will probably worship the very ground he walks on. He just needs to come out so I can tell him:)

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34 Weeks of bliss and list of things I miss

Can a girl get a glass of vino over here?? Hello? Table for 1, bottle of petite sirah, please! I have to admit, and it’s no secret, I adore my wine!! It’s my drink of choice and I look forward to it at the end of my day. A glass while I cook dinner and a glass while I enjoy the dish I’ve prepared is my own little routine and tradition. I also really enjoy having some wine with my girlfriends, bringing a bottle of wine down to the beach, having a date night with my husband, enjoying some wine with a great Sunday dinner, etc. etc.

Gym stuff! I actually miss the stair master and working up a good sweat. It just got way too hard, too much pressure on my belly, the baby sits (or jumps) on my bladder and exercising became extremely uncomfortable. I miss classes, equipment, the sauna, all of it. I think I miss feeling like I’ve pushed myself physically and like I’ve accomplished something to better myself and contribute to my health.

That being said, feeling the baby move all around in my belly makes me feel extremely healthy and accomplished. I love knowing he’s active and growing. I’m ok letting myself rest so this little prince can grow and do a little exercising of his own!

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CAFFEINE!! Truth be told, I do drink 50/50 coffee every morning (half decaf, half regular) but I could seriously use a double espresso frappuccino BUT I’m sure I’ll need one more than ever in about a month and 1/2 and that’s when I can and WILL get one!

BRUNCH!!!! I am dying for a bagel with lox and a mimosa! Brunch isn’t “brunch” without a mimosa (or bloody Mary) in my opinion. Preferably a mimosa bar with raspberries. Yes.

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Spicy tuna!! like brunch, sushi isn’t “sushi” without raw fish. You can pretend with shrimp tempura and California rolls, but it’s just make believe until you can have the real thing.

wp-1473985029252.jpgAll that being said, look at this bump! My son is in there and I can feel him moving around and growing/learning/developing all the time! I can’t wait to finally meet this little guy and see what he looks like, who he resembles, and watch him grow into his own little person.

He already loves certain things and dislikes others. he’s really strong and already stubborn. When nurses try to listen to his heartbeat with the Doppler, he moves away. This has happened several times and they all comment on it! The other day, I was putting grocery bags in the car and hit my belly with one by accident (not hard, but enough that the baby felt it). No sooner did the bag bump my belly, did he punch right back! It was so instantaneous and so purposeful that I burst out laughing and had to call my husband to tell him his son has some reflexes!

This baby loves the sound of his dad’s voice. My husband (for anyone who doesn’t know him) is extremely charismatic and boisterous. You know when he’s in the room! When he’s telling a story, the baby moves around a lot in excitement. He jumps around and wiggles. Then when my husband speaks softly to my belly, the baby calms right down and relaxes. It’s the sweetest thing. I don’t know anything for sure, only God does, but I have a feeling this little boy is going to be his father’s mini me…