We haven’t actually spoken in 4 months, but can I vent for a minute?

I’ve made it no secret that living far away from my family and friends I grew up with is not easy.

Being married and having children can be, shall we say “Trying”? at times, and for some reason, most of us are afraid to share these difficult moments, days, weeks, MONTHS with each other.

Living in the south, I have found this especially true. There’s a certain level of politeness and there’s a façade of happiness wherever you go and whomever you may speak to.

Sure, anyone who’s married and/or has children will chuckle and say something along the lines of “motherhood isn’t easy!” Or “being married has its challenges!”

But what I’m looking for is more along the lines of “I think I might murder my husband unless someone gives me a Xanax.” Or “Is it normal for a 6 month old to scream like her crib is on fire when there’s NOTHING wrong? Someone help me!”

Why are we afraid to say what’s really going on?

I was sitting down in the break room at my old job shortly after I got married and just said quite plainly “I hate him. I really just HATE him” and everyone just kind of looked at me with either judgement or pity, I couldn’t quite make out there expressions. All I knew was, I was alone.

“No?” I asked. “No one else? We all love our husbands?” Ok. Noted. No further outbursts from me.

All I wanted was someone else to look at me and say “Girl, me too”. That’s it.

The thing is, I don’t actually hate my husband, I love him and don’t know what the hell I’d actually do without him, which is why I rely on about 3 or 4 friends I have back home who have known me and been through growing pains with me who I can call or text out of nowhere and just VENT. No judgement.

I can say things like “Remind me why we got married?” And I’ll get something back like “I’ve been wondering the same thing all week”. Or “You’re asking ME? I just told my husband to jump out of a moving car.” Simple. Honest. Real.

We just need to know that it’s ok to feel like this because everyone who’s married HAS to from time to time and if they don’t, they’re highly medicated or someone has to be cheating!

Some days, I have no patience and no more F’s left to give and need to just vent for a second until I feel normal again because other moms can relate!

Thank God for the girls I can text with any amount of momentary meltdowns and thank God they all share the same thoughts and feelings I have.

If you feel like venting about anything right this second, feel free to comment below and say whatever the hell you want! The more, the merrier.

If you’re too embarrassed to share, that’s fine too, just know you’re not alone. You’re doing a great job and the genuinely happy moments, days, months are there too. We all have them! The good, the bad, the trying.

Even the most polite people with good hair and well-blended makeup have these moments but won’t admit it! I fear for when they’re 47 and can’t stand the façade that everything is perfect and they’re feet don’t hurt in those BCBG heels!

Don’t be that girl. Wear your Sperry’s. Text your girls. Have a glass of Prosecco.

Excited, Annoyed, and Grumpy. 24 Weeks!!

So I’m creeping up to 24 weeks pregnant and am feeling it!! A lot has been happening that’s new and exciting and I am so over everything that is going on outside of my growing little prince! My baby has been moving around a lot and I LOVE it! Kicking and punching his way around my insides and waking me up/keeping me from falling asleep.

ENTER THE “PUFF”

I started feeling puffy last week (started at 23 weeks) when I look in the mirror and my slender face is fading, leaving me with a nice little layer of “puff”, which has always been something I’m self-conscious about and try like hell to get rid of. In the 1st trimester when I was sick and hadn’t drank in about a month, my face started to slim down, which was great! A plus to feeling like crap! Then I got my appetite back and came the 2nd trimester along with more energy. This happy “glow” lasted up until I believe, last week, and enter the puff. Thank God for maternity clothes , I’m keeping these pants for every holiday well after the baby is born! Now I don’t feel so cute in pictures anymore, like this one, which looked much different in my mind when we were taking it:

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NO MORE WEIGHTS, THANKS!

So I was trying to go to Body Pump or incorporating weights in my workout routine for the entirety of the 2nd trimester and that, too, came to a halt last week. I was using 8-12 lb. dumbbells to do various lunges, squats and arm exercises. I would do each muscle group for 60 seconds and then take a 60 second break and try to do at least 3 rounds of each. This became pretty difficult last week when I got really out of breath and overly tired. I decided this new beautiful surprise of cellulite on my legs wasn’t going away with squats or lunges during pregnancy. I’m throwing in the towel when it comes to weights and sticking to my power walks and stair master. I still love cardio, and it makes me feel really good. I do a 3.5 mile loop around my neighborhood, making sure to hit a few steep hills, or I walk at an incline on the treadmill if it’s raining or too hot (it’s been in the high 90’s and humid here in the south!) This was my last Body Pump pic right before the “puff” began to show:

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GIVE ME ALL THE FOODS:

I have always loved food! Growing up in an Italian family, we were always making and eating delicious food and I enjoyed every bite! I have “dieted” most of my adult life, until I was getting ready to get married and started my Paleo diet. That was truly the best I’ve ever looked or felt. Eating MOSTLY paleo and 3 Body Pump classes per week plus 1 day of cardio got me looking and feeling my most toned and slim. I gave up all the treats I love including bread and pasta and supplementing them with zucchini noodles and sweet potatoes. Well, thanks to this little boy growing in my belly and the fact that I can’t indulge on wine anymore, I’m eating all the yummy foods I love and crave including my FAVORITE chocolate croissants and ice cream sundaes. I still read labels, try to avoid preservatives, bleached flour, high fructose corn syrup, artificial colors, white sugar and try to stick to milk/butter without rBGH (a genetically engineered artificial hormone given to cows to force excess milk production), whole grain pasta (when I can), fresh farm eggs and lots of fresh fruit and veggies. When I buy ice cream and sundae toppings, I try to get hormone/antibiotic-free ice cream with the least amount of ingredients, I like to whip my own cream and get an all-natural hot fudge. Is it great for me? Hell no, but it’s MUCH better than all the other crap they put in our food! If I’m going to gain weight and eat the treats I want, I don’t want to add chemicals that my child will have in his system too!

MY HUSBAND IS TRYING TO KILL ME:

Have you every been pregnant? Did your spouse or significant other “forget” that you’re no longer super woman? Mine forgets. For instance, just tonight, I was grilling some pork chops and roasted vegetables and the gas went out (so annoying) half way through! My husband wasn’t home yet, so I turned the broiler on in the oven and grabbed my trusty cast iron skillet to finish the job (they came out perfect, by the way). When he got home, my husband proclaimed “You know we have another gas tank in the shed! Why didn’t you just get that?” Um….because it’s like 20 lbs. and the shed is way in the back corner of the back yard?! I’m 6 months pregnant?! “Oh, yeah.” Did I mention I have absolutely no patience anymore and the simple act of putting groceries away can result in a meltdown if the broccoli falls out of the bag while you try to bend over in a way that doesn’t hurt your belly? People who have never been pregnant seriously don’t know the struggle. Maybe I can best describe it as a constant built-up anxiety attack coupled with a ravenous hunger that can only be satisfied by eating all the cookies fresh off the hot cookie sheet and milk straight from the carton while having an overwhelming happiness and love for someone I’ve never met but somehow know and complete loss of control of my body and its’ functions. Putting clean sheets on the king-sized bed becomes so frustrating you could literally kill… There you go, now you go get the damn propane tank and you can put it right up….

EMBRACING MY CRUNCHY:

Being pregnant has given me a maternal instinct to live longer. I buy all natural SPF 50 without phenoxyethanol and apply liberally when by the pool or beach, organic, DEET-free bug spray  and have started making all my own cosmetics including belly butter using unrefined cocoa butter, my own moisturizer using organic argan oil and aloe and diaper rash cream using zinc and witch hazel. I love farmer’s markets and locally grown produce. I’ve started using organic makeup and much less of it. I don’t dye my hair anymore and am trying to embrace the roots! No more tanning products and I make my own body bronzer that washes off with soap and water. My head hurts from reading labels of products and ingredients and googling those I don’t know. Making our baby registry was beyond stressful trying to make sure all baby products were all natural or organic and looking up ingredients in them as well, baby mattress included. There are so many harsh chemicals and toxic ingredients in SO many daily products, I advise anyone having a baby or a curious mom to start really reading what goes into the products we’re putting into our bodies and those of our children who don’t have a choice of their own!

Till next time 😉