Ok so everyone talks about how you get to a point in your pregnancy where you just can’t take it anymore. I thought I understood what they meant at about 36 weeks…I was wrong. 2 more weeks went by and I feel more like a prop in a sci-fi movie than a human being.
This baby, whom I can’t wait to meet, has been growing inside of me for over 9 months. For a while, no one could tell. Then there was a tiny little baby bump and that pregnancy “glow”. There are, of course, uncomfortable times and lifestyle changes to get used to like not drinking wine anymore and not being able to take the same classes at the gym. Yet those adjustments aside, and the woes of the 1st trimester sickness having subsided, life goes on as usual. You work out in some way, if that’s part of your routine, you move around easily enough and work continues. You go about your day, errands and move along.
As your belly grows, people start asking you all the routine questions: “When are you due?” “Do you know if it’s a boy or girl?” “How are you feeling?” etc. But then it hits you. You wake up in the middle of the night to pee (yet again), and your body suddenly feels like you’ve been in a serious car accident. Your back is in so much pain, you swear you had been rear ended. Your feet are so sore you think you must have blocked out running a marathon the day before, your fingers are so swollen, your wedding band won’t fit over your knuckle, and this little angel you’re carrying in your belly can move around so much because they’re somewhere around 7 lbs and SMOOSHED in there that you can actually see them moving around from the outside. What it feels like INSIDE is a WHOLE different story.
My body has been invaded. My belly feels stretched beyond it’s limits and it hurts. I have a baby foot in my ribs and a head resting on my bladder. This baby is losing room and MUST be uncomfortable by now and my body MUST have taken all it can possibly take in 38 weeks and 3 days.
I have never done well in uncomfortable situations. I am a very particular person when it comes to having things the way I like them for myself. I don’t sleep well with others. I have never enjoyed sleepovers, they give me anxiety. We have to have a King sized bed so the 2 of us can co-sleep (meaning my husband and I) because I wake up when someone touches me. I get really hot at night and like to sleep in the cold, but with several blankets to stay warm. I have to sleep with white noise and fresh air, so I use a fan. Not a ceiling fan, a fan right by my face, blowing air at me directly. I understand this won’t work with a newborn, so I’ve gotten used to a humidifier that blows air right by my head to prepare for baby’s arrival. I like to shower twice a day because I don’t like the feeling of being “dirty” even though you’re not really “dirty” after a normal 12 hour day. After I shower, I have to have toner, serum and moisturizer on my face right away before it dehydrates or gets itchy. I have to use body lotion right away for the same reason and it has to be enough time before bed or my body is too sticky and it makes the sheets in the bed feel yukky. I have to have my nails and toenails clipped way down because I feel like dirt and other disgusting elements get caked underneath and it gives me the heebie jeebies. Those have to be clipped over the toilet. I always speak up if I’m too hot or too cold. Anywhere. It can be home, at work, etc. I can’t stand being too hot and sweaty. I also can’t stand being too cold and uncomfortable. I love fresh air so I’m constantly opening windows and doors. I love the breeze. If we’re at someone’s house and they have everything closed and it’s a beautiful day, I’ll just go outside or take it upon myself to crack a door. I’ll be that person.I can’t stand being sick, so I don’t get sick. If someone around me comes down with something, I put gloves on, bleach and Lysol EVERYTHING and take lots of Emergency to avoif it any way possible. I take detox baths and stay away from that person altogether.I’ll quarantine myself. Any ill feeling is too much for me to handle, I can’t stand it. I am one of those people who never gets sick beause the feeling is just too much. I’m giving you all these examples of what probably make me sound OCD, or just particularly bitchy so you can understand what being this big and uncomfortable in my own skin (which I’m sharing) feels like to me. I can’t fix it or adjust it to my liking at all. I just have to sit back and accept that I am uncomfortable.
Now I am at the point where I’m ready. The nursery is ready, we are stocked up with diapers and wipes, swaddles, a bassinet, a rocker, stroller, car seat, crib, clothes, bottles and pacifiers, books and little keepsakes, new shelves and dresser, a rocking chair and lots of plush blankets and lovies. I felt so unprepared for so many months just thinking of the list of baby items we needed and list of things to get done prior to his arrival, but now that they’re done, the hospital bag is packed and ready to go, I’m just waiting. Waiting for one of those practice contractions to be the real thing or my water to break. Just waiting. I’m so excited and scared. I can’t wait to finally hold this little wiggly guy and tell him how thankful I am to even be able to carry him at all in the first place and how grateful I am that God gave me a son. How I’ll forever be attached to him, even if he’s not in my belly anymore and how for the rest of my life I will be a mother who will literally do anything for her son, even if it costs me something I wouldn’t have given up before. I want to tell him I waited a long time to have him and will probably worship the very ground he walks on. He just needs to come out so I can tell him:)